Difficult Emotions | New Foundations

I need to write my thoughts down to help work through these emotional times. Many months ago my heart fell in love with a woman. I was literally taken off my feet and had no care in the world. The feeling of absolute invincibility equates to falling in love. Nothing could stop me…what we had was beautiful. As we slowly grew into the same living space, something snagged along the way and my happiness started to slowly unravel. I tend to want to run from issues when they arise, it easier. This go-around I stuck it out as long as I could because I was and still am in love with that person who I married many months back. We tried everything, I tried my hardest to be steadfast in working on myself and the relationship, but there inevitably came a time where the unhappiness and differences outweighed the rational to stick around and keep working the uphill battle.

It’s hard looking back. I always remember the good times and not the bad. However, with that said, I ask myself “How did I get here?” The answer to that is buried in the past and stems from a once unhappy self. It still hurts knowing I left a situation for the pursuit of my own happiness. What’s worse is the reaction from both parties that creates a rollercoaster of emotions that ended up tearing down the foundation of the entire relationship. Yes, I do remember how I got to where I am now and it’s exactly where I need to be. Yes, it hurts moving into a new world without that once beloved partner. No, if I could go back…it would end with the same result.

Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today, and you make your tomorrow.L. Ron Hubbard

I wish we shared in more adventures and both carried on the “fuck the world, I have you” mentality till death but this was never going to be the case. Now I move forward in life seeking new happiness and new beginnings. Learning from the past has it’s positives and I hope to bring them into all those I meet in the future. Life for me goes on for the time being, just now it carries a heavy heart.